Asheville '09 - Part 1

I had some vacation time I needed to use up and I couldn't think of any better way to spend it than heading to the next state over to visit with some friends that I've known for a few years now. So with a carton of cigarettes and a beaten up cowboy hat in hand, I filled her up and, using my car as a prophylactic, made love to the pavement.

Wednesday 1730 hrs.

After finishing a riveting seminar on aircraft fuel fire fighting techniques, I immediately hit the road and headed to the San Francisco of the South: Asheville, NC. Leaving Nashville, TN, the rain didn't help my 4 1/2 hour drive. Luckily, I had 10 hours of Coast to Coast AM downloaded to my iPod so the JFK assassination theories of Jim Marrs kept me company the whole way there. The rain cleared up about an hour into my drive. Then it was smooth sailing. That is until I hit "The Gorge". This winding 30 minute drive through the mountains on I-40 will have your asshole puckered tighter than Baryshnikov's unitard.

Upon arrival in Asheville, I met up with local radio personality and paranormal expert Joshua P. Warren at Asheville Pizza & Brewing Company. It's a brewpub that serves pizza and has a movie theatre in it. How sweet is that?
Joshua, who you may remember from my posts on Puerto Rico, was accompanied by Christopher McCollum of Haunted Asheville Ghost Tours, Vance Pollock (the only person in Asheville I've seen who's taller than me), and numismatist Shelly Wright.

It was about midnight so we headed to what was to be my abode for the next five days the L.E.M.U.R.* laboratory which was equipped with bedroom and bathroom facilities. The latter being the most important of course. I can sleep in my car, but I'm going to have reservations about pinching off a loaf in the back seat. At the lab, Joshua demonstrated some of the experimentation being done there with Schlieren photography and something known in small circles as a "coherent threadlike stream". Cool stuff. Also, later that night, Forrest Connor joined us and I was officially sworn in as a member of L.E.M.U.R. Then off to bed I was planning on exploring th downtown area Thursday before set up for the weekend's Bele Chere festival.


*L.E.M.U.R. is the League of Energy Materialization and Unexplained Phenomena Research. It is a paranormal investigation and research group based in Asheville, NC. It's president/founder Joshua P. Warren hosts the radio show Speaking of Strange, is a regular on the national late night radio show Coast to Coast AM, and has been featured on Discovery, Travel Channel, TLC, Sci Fi, and the History Channel.

Lexington - July '09

Lexington. I had spent a little time there about six years ago when I was a salesman. Interesting place. One time back then, some coworkers and I happened upon a quaint Irish pub. We got there early and started drinking. Eventually the crowd filled in and I had to "break the seal". In the bathroom, there was a gentleman talking on his cell phone and I noticed he had and Irish accent. "Imagine that", I thought. An actual Irishman in this Irish bar in Kentucky. In Nashville, we don't get many Irish persons at Dan McGuinness or McFadden's or Bailey's or Mulligan's... you get the point. And there was a real to life Irish guy in this place. When I left the restroom, I noticed that everyone in the bar was Irish. What the ef, man? Eventually someone explained that due to the large horse breeding and training industry in the area, many Irish folks have moved to the area to practice their craft. But whenever I stop to ask for directions, is it ever a bonnie Irish lass looking to party with a 6'5" American mutt? No, it's always Dina the meth addict holding a sign that says "Tooth Fun" (I'm pretty sure the sign was supposed to say 'Fund', but maybe meth IS tooth fun). You can't let that discourage you though. Lexington has a great scene, but I'll only be discussing one place in this blog entry.

A comic buddy of mine, Greg, moved to Lexington some months back and sometimes runs a comedy show at a nice little place called The Chase Taproom. Unfortunately, you can't smoke in the bars in Lexington, but some places such as Chase will let you drink outside. So I forgive them.

This was Greg's first anniversary of performing standup and a few Nashville-based comics, including myself, headed up to perform. Here's Greg:

He's a lady's man as you can tell. His girlfriend Liz:

Her interests include large jewelry and guys with Wolverine beards.

Among the comics that I performed with were Terry Cliburn, Angela Hill, and X Man.



It was a great show. This was my second time performing there. The crowd has been awesome both times. Last time I was in town, after the show, a couple Greg knows invited us over to their place and I drank a lot. "Can I get you something to drink?" "A beer would be great." "Ok. How about this huge glass of whiskey instead.?" Good people. Here's a link to my other blog describing the last time I was there.

I can't really comment on the food in Lexington. My culinary indulgences there are limited to Waffle House and honey roasted peanuts, but the beer selection at the bars is awesome. Kentucky isn't just a bourbon state. Below is our bartender Steve and some drunk chick he pissed off.

Kentucky also has a great group of people living there. Everyone has been very friendly. Here's Nikki. She's a medical technologist and has a special talent that would probably be rather uncouth to mention. No, it doesn't involve a ping pong ball... but it could.

Greg was kind enough to let me crash at his place. Great view from 14 stories up. I think this is a church or something.

All in all a great trip. It's a 3-4 hour drive one way but a couple mp3's of Coast to Coast AM on my ipod made it extremely bearable. I'll be heading to Asheville, NC next week so it looks like I'll be brushing up on my government conspiracy knowledge on they way over there. The Bele Chere festival will be going on and I'll be doing some interesting things with Joshua Warren who you may remember from the Puerto Rican entries that started this blog. I'm looking forward to it. Asheville was just rated No. 1 beer town in America (tied with Portland, OR). I'll have to test that judgment for my self. Until next time, stay smokin', my friends.